


Heartbeat

by fmpsimon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 20:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20880182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmpsimon/pseuds/fmpsimon
Summary: Jean gets some shocking news and gets a little comfort from the person he least expected.





	Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my WIP files for about three years, I think. I'm not sure where I was going with this or how long I had intended it to be, but I liked a lot of the dialogue and exchanges between the characters, so I decided to post it now.

All he could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat thumping steadily in his ears as he stared at them. He heard what they were saying, he understood, but he couldn't believe it. His heart continued to beat faster, the pounding in his ears became louder. He grit his teeth, unable to stifle the uncontrollable anger rising up in his chest.

"Just what the hell are you saying, Eren?!" he demanded, clenching his fists. "There's a whole civilization outside the walls?!" Eren stared back at him, his eyes matching Jean's disbelief and hurt. "And your own damn father…?" Jean could barely believe the words that were coming out of his own mouth. He couldn't believe them—he _wouldn't_. How...how could this be? He sunk down to his knees, hot tears in his eyes. "We've been prisoners," he choked out. "This whole time...we've been prisoners behind these walls."

"This is bigger than we all thought," Armin said finally. Tears dripped onto Jean's hands, and he wondered how Armin could be so calm right now. "But we have to tell the others." He knelt down in front of him. "They look to you for guidance, ever since Trost. I know this is huge. Look at me: I'm still trembling." Jean glanced at his shaking hands.

He heaved a sigh and looked up at Eren, who stared back at him. He looked like he had been punched in the gut, like the wind had been knocked out of him. Jean steeled himself. This changed everything. Where did they go from here? Most alarming of all, there were two other people in Titan bodies that they hadn't even encountered yet. He shut out the world, just for a moment. His heart drummed in his ears along with the sound of his own ragged breathing.

"What do you want me to do?" he said flatly, looking up at them. "Tell them it's the same as before? Tell them we're still just fighting the Titans, and that, once they're defeated, we'll be able to get our land back?" Mikasa hugged her arms to her body, hiding her mouth behind her scarf. She couldn't even look him in the eye. "Everything we've fought for...all the people who've died...it was for _nothing_." He dashed his fist against the ground. "The only thing that's waiting for us outside those walls is death--death at the hands of people. And _they _want us dead more than the damn Titans do!" He shook his head. "I don't know what to tell them. I don't know anything anymore."

He got to his feet and started walking away. "Jean!" Armin called. "Eren, Mikasa--_Jean_!"

"Let him go," he heard Eren say.

Go? Go where? He felt trapped--caged--like he never had before. _Damn it_. First Annie, then Ymir, and then Reiner and Bertholdt. They had known all along, hadn't they? He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. He had joined the Scouts to try to make things better, and now...that just seemed impossible. They didn't have the upper hand. They never had. They never would. How could he rally the troops when he couldn't even convince himself?

"It's a lot to process," Mikasa said later that night.

"Tch, you're telling me," he grunted. He looked up and was surprised to find that she was alone. "Where's Eren?"

She looked to the side. "Talking to the others. They had...a lot of questions." This _was _rare. At a time of so much upheaval, he did not expect the three of them to be apart. "I know it's difficult, but...we're all feeling the same way." He nodded. She sat down next to him, exhaling. "How's your arm?"

He massaged his arm absently. "I'll live." She tugged on the bandages that made up his makeshift sling, tying the knot more tightly. Her arms brushed against his body and he felt comforted by her touch. "Thanks," he said softly. "How do you do it?"

"How do I do what?" she said, still fussing with the knot.

Jean turned his head towards her. "How can you be so calm on the outside, when you've just found out something so terrible?"

She pulled her hands back, folding them in her lap. "Because this kind of horror isn't new to me." He gaped at her, his breath, catching in his throat. She clenched her fists, staring down at them. "I've seen what people can do to other people, so the fact that they are trying to wipe us out isn't a stretch for my imagination."

"I know people can be cruel, but we're talking about genocide, here," he said quietly, his brow furrowed.

Mikasa glared at him. "What happened to my parents wasn't just _cruel_."

"You're right. I'm sorry." He paused. "All I'm trying to say is that this is bigger than some murderous criminals." He ran a hand through his hair. "And how the hell do we fight back against them?" He stared at her for a moment, then turned away. "I hate to always be the one to say this, but...is it even worth fighting...if we have _no _chance of winning. I just—I just don't know...if I have it in me anymore." His voice caught in his throat. God, not again. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he hunched over, covering his face with one hand.

She leaned against him, placing her hand on his clenched fist. "Of course it's worth it," she said softly. "As long as we live, we have to fight." He stared down at her hand as her grip tightened, and he could feel her heartbeat, quick but steady. "You're strong, Jean."

He shook his head, sniffling. "Not as strong as you. That's abundantly clear."

Mikasa shrugged. “You see what you want to.” She stood up and stepped away, pausing to glance at him before she went out the door. He stared after her, wondering what she meant by that.

His heart pounded in his chest as he sat around the fire, surrounded by his comrades. Everyone was quiet, mulling over the events of the past few days as they slowly ate their rations. He grabbed his own and started to eat too.


End file.
